Cobalt Core

I finished Cobalt Core months and months ago, and Fritz has been bothering me to review is ever since. So! To buy myself some peace and quiet, let’s talk about this sci-fi roguelike deckbuilder.

This game was made for me. I love roguelikes, especially roguelike deckbuilders—I’ve 100% completed Hades and Slay the Spire, and I’ve sunk countless hours into trying to do the same in Monster Train (not yet, but one day). I’m a sucker for crew-on-a spaceship games. And Crypt of the Necrodancer is one of my favorite games ever (published by Brace Yourself Games, the publisher of Cobalt Core).

So on paper, a spaceship deckbuilder roguelike that’s like if FTL, Hades, and Slay the Spire had a baby published by the publisher of Crypt of the Necrodancer would be the perfect game for me… And it is. Cobalt Core is fantastic.

The Mechanics

Okay yeah I guess I have to explain the mechanics.

You have a spaceship. It points to the top of the screen.

There’s an opposing spaceship. It points down towards you. Fight!

You and the opposing spaceship take turns. On your turn you play the hand of cards you drew from your deck, doing things like firing your blasters, activating your drone bays, shielding your ship, or moving your ship left and right. Your ships are aligned in vertical lanes, so that each component of your ship is lined up with a component on the opponent’s ship (or empty space). You’ll move your ship around to try to make sure that your blasters line up with the opponent’s vulnerable cockpit, and that their blasters line up with empty space.

The rest is pretty straightforward deckbuilder roguelike. Try to kill the opposing ship without taking too much damage (ideally none). Spend money to upgrade your ship with “relics” (to borrow the term from Slay The Spire) heal yourself, and add cards to your deck. Choose your route through each system between combat, hard combats, shops, encounters, etc. Each system ends with a miniboss, and you’re trying to beat the final boss.

And there are a reasonable amount of pre-run options. You can choose different ships with different specialties and configurations. Also each card in the game belongs to one of several suits, one for each of the crew members. At the start of the run you choose which 3 crew members you’d like to play with this time, and that determines what cards you can see. Each crew member has their own focal mechanics, like the one who’s good at drones, or the one who has strong attacks that overheat your ship.

The Story

Another place Cobalt Core really shines is its story. For a while, it seemed like roguelikes and story didn’t mix, and most deckbuilder roguelikes didn’t even try to have a story.

(To some extent, I wonder how much “writing story” and “designing card game mechanics” are skill sets that don’t overlap.)

When they tried, the narrative would be very very lightly implied with environmental storytelling. Seriously, why are we slaying this spire? Something something, pact with heaven, so now I’m on a monster train.

Then Hades happened, and suddenly every roguelike is trying to be character- and story-driven. It’s really hard to land that, but Cobalt Core pulls it off. The characters are cute, and I wanted to learn more about them. And perhaps even more challenging: the dialogue is good and funny. I’m not going to write anything more in order to avoid spoilers. Just go play it.

The one iffy story bit is how the story is rolled out. Whenever you win a run, you can unlock the next cutscene from one of the crew members you chose to play with. When you unlock all the cutscenes, there’s a final final boss battle and you can win.

I didn’t mind this, and I was interested to unlock all the custscenes. But the cutscenes got in the way of the “one more run” feeling that can make roguelikes so great. The most clever roguelikes even elide one run into the next so that you just keep trying. And Cobalt Core’s cutscenes do the opposite, interrupting my play experience and providing a point to put down the game. Even though I liked the scenes, I often found myself pausing the game and walking away without watching them.

I don’t really know why Hades is able to offer story in the hub without disrupting that flow. Maybe it’s because each of the dialogue updates you get from characters are so short, and there are always only a few. But I’d have liked to see more of that in Cobalt Core.

The Problem

In my opinion Cobalt Core has one big problem: there just isn’t enough of it. Is it worth the $20 price tag? Absolutely. In fact, go buy it now on Steam or Switch.

But I’m used to roguelikes really letting me test my mettle by giving me tons of difficulty ratchets and interesting achievements to chase. Cobalt Core really doesn’t have these. It has a few ships and 4 or so difficulty increases to unlock, but there’s no incentive to even play on those other ships. I had to invent my own personal goal of winning on highest difficulty with each of the ships, and even that wasn’t too hard.

So in short, go buy this game, play it, and then the studio can invest that money in adding to the game. I don’t even want much; just a list of arbitrary challenges/achievements, and maybe 15 more difficulty ratchets. Add those, and I think Cobalt Core is perfect.

X-Angels

Ed Note: This write-up discusses content intended for an 18+ audience. There is no intrinsically 18+ content or art in this write up, but there are images that some might consider risque, and there are links to content that is 18+ (Though that content is age-gated a second time). All of which is to say: You have been warned.

Prologue

I played a great game recently that I probably can’t recommend to you.

That said, you can know for sure if you’d enjoy it by answering a few questions:

  1. Do you like deck-builders?
  2. Are you interested in seeing a very competent, if a bit limited execution of the genre? One that maps the whole thing into a much larger, longer run of an experience with some visual novels elements?

Yes to both so far?

Great.

How do you feel about hardcore animated pornography?

Ed Note: It occurs to me after writing all of this, I should probably be a bit more specific in who this game is for. The porn in X-Angels is very much geared toward straight men. Sorry for anyone else whose hopes I might have gotten up.

Act 1. I Play It For The Mechanics

X-Angels, by BaranceStudio, is an incredibly fun, if somewhat limited deckbuilder, probably best compared to Slay the Spire. Like Slay the Spire, each turn, you draw a hand of cards, and play them to deal damage to enemies and opponents. Cards have variety of effects, ranging from damage, to generating shields to block incoming, to generating buffs, de-buffing, or applying permanent triggers to yourself.

But if you’re still here, you probably answered “Yes” to two of those questions above. You know about digital deck builders. So let’s talk about all the things you haven’t seen before.

Now, is it a deep and meaningful visual novel experience? No. Not really.

Each “Run” of X-Angels takes place parallel to sort of visual novel experience. This on its own is actually pretty neat. The game feels more akin to full campaign than to a roguelike, and you can choose to do the games various areas in different orders. A single run takes a fair bit longer than comparable games, especially on the hard difficulty.

X-Angels also adds a system where, based on the first two characters you recruit (of four), those two characters define your deck-building and your X-Power, a sort of side meter.

When this meter is filled, it can be used to be activate a special power or ability based on which character you have active. The second kicker is that you can switch between characters mid-fight, allowing you to build charge on one character, then swap to another character to use their burst. It’s a cool little mechanic.

These are quite neat, and range from conjuring extra cards into your deck, to purging debuffs on yourself. And again, this is an area where it feels like X-Angels goes harder than it needs to.

Many of Lia’s abilities effectively poison herself, or scale off poisoning herself. So instead of having to add cards to purge that poison, she can use her X-Power to do so.

Also, I really appreciate that the game has an actual story instead of just “Lore.” I am so tired of games that are just “Lore.” I would never say that X-Angels has better gameplay than Slay the Spire, Monster Train, or Inkbound but at least it has a story with an actual fucking ending.

Intermission 1.

Several years ago, while looking at the trash that shows up on Steam, me and my friends got into an discussion about what the worst possible mechanic you
could combine with erotic content would be.

After a bit, we settled on Sudoku.

Then one of those friends, one who actually finishes their side projects, went and actually made the whole thing. It has multiplayer!

It’s called Operation Sexy Sudoku, but, here’s a little inside scoop: that’s just because the developer called it as “Open Source Software” as its development code name.

You will need to be logged into Steam to see this.

Anyway, they had made most of the game, and realized that they didn’t have one of the more critical elements for this sort of project: The porn.

At this point, we started trawling around on itch.io, looking to see if there was an asset pack, or some easy way to get a lot of anime pornography
that could be used in the game. And while we found a pack, after researching, it turned it out it was someone stealing assets from a developer calling BaranceStudio, and trying to sell them for money.

This is how I found out about BaranceStudio, and ended up following them.

Act 2. Adult Content, For Adults

I did put a whole disclaimer at the front of this, so I’m going to keep this part brief, and non-explicit.

X-Angels operates off what I’d call “Porn Logic.” It’s mostly fairly vanilla, but there is an option to opt into what I’d call the “bad end” route, which contains the typical sort of dark ending content you might expect from anime porn.

If I was to describe the sort of adult content you’ll see in this game, I’d say: There’s nothing here that you wouldn’t find in a dark romance or hentai.

That said, there’s a lot here that is absolutely not part of a healthy adult relationship.

I think that’s enough of a disclaimer. If you want to learn more, the game has a mature content descriptor on the Steam page.

Intermission 2.

It’s kind of weird that sex, something that most people will do in their life, is much more taboo in games than murder, something presumably most of us have not done, and will never do.

The obvious take is that “sex” in games bears pretty much the same resemblance to sex in the real world as violence in games bears to violence in the real world.

After all, if I shoot someone in Fortnite, I haven’t actually murdered them. I’ve kicked them out of the game they are in. It’s less eternal void, and more being tagged out in capture the flag.

The parallel version, then, is probably something like “Sex in games is almost always porn or porn adjacent.”. It has the same relationship to the real complexities of sex and relationships that violence in games does. Which is to say, pretty much none.

Does anyone else think it’s a bit weird that most video games that have sex, it’s used as reward? It’s at the end of a romance option, or it’s unlocked in the secret ending. Porn games do the same. “You saved the day, here are some titties and/or dick” is not a particularly nuanced take regardless of whether it’s full frontal or not.

Also, it strikes me as odd that when something is “Adult” or “For Adults”, that almost always just means “It’s horny.” Not that it involves rent, or taxes,
or the difficulty of meeting people as you get older, or the stresses of aging, or complexities of modern life.

No, “Adult” means genitals.

Act 3.

So why am I writing about this?

Well, there’s an interesting post credit sequence in which the developers talk about their intentions, and there’s a bit where they say, “Hey, this game was much harder to program and implement than our previous games! Anyway, our next game is going to be something much more complex then this!”

And I kind of respect that, in the same way that I respected it when they responded to me and my friend asking about their assets.

We live in an era where it can be super lucrative to make exploitative gacha games that sell softcore porn. Basically, selling microtransaction lottery tickets to children for the chance to see “not quite porn.” BaranceStudio could have taken this approach. Instead, they made a direct, interesting, and well thought out porn game.

I just find it refreshing that someone made horny deckbuilder and sold it for $11.

Conclusion

So do I recommend X-Angels? Well, again, only if you like deck builders and male gaze-y animated porn. Okay, that’s a lot of qualifiers, but I think they’re pretty fair ones.

It’s not a perfect game. I didn’t encounter any game breaking bugs, but the save-file system is very wonky, and the translations are rough at times.

But if you do like the things mentioned above, and you prefer to earn your horny cutscenes instead of having them handed to you after you click through 90 lines of text, it’s pretty great.

X-Angels is $11 on Steam.

Stalcraft

Ed Note: Most of this writeup was written earlier in the year, around Christmas, as was my time in the game. Some of this info may be out of date. Still, Stalcraft is weird enough for me to want to talk about, even if I don’t plan on playing anymore in the near future.

Stalcraft is strange. If you want to know why and don’t care about context, you can skip ahead to the section titled “The Weird Bit.” If not, let’s lay some groundwork, and do a normal review before everything goes off the rails.

Stalcraft is a F2P pseudo-extraction shooter that takes place in the Chernobyl exclusion zone. It’s inspired by the short story “A Roadside Picnic,” using much of the book’s language and terminology. The game’s title is a portmanteau, that thing where you combine two different words into one word. The words in question here are “Stalker” and “Craft”.

If you’re going “Wait, isn’t there another game that does this?” don’t worry. We’ll come back to that.

In the game, you’ve suffered a hallucination, and woken up in the Zone—the game’s shorthand for the Chernobyl exclusion zone. You pick one of two starter factions, then you slowly work your way up through the ranks of various bases, completing quests, and traveling across the map deeper and deeper to try to understand what caused you to end up in the Zone.

Gameplay Loop

After creating a character with one of the game’s two starting factions and being given a brief tutorial, you’re dropped into the Zone with a location for the main story quest, a base to return to, and about 5 bullets.

Most of Stalcraft’s gameplay loop takes place across the game’s various zones. Zones are permanently PVP-enabled between factions, and full of enemies

There are two primary parts to Stalcraft’s gameplay loop. Both parts have the player adventuring out into the zone. One is quests, and the other is just general looting and gathering.

A Hunting We Shall Go

Looting and gathering in Stalcraft is fairly simple. Load up your inventory full of bullets, go into the world, travel to various areas, and shoot everything that moves. Since this is an extraction shooter, if you die, you will drop your stuff. Well, not all of it. Some items, like your weapons and armor stay, as do a few quest items. But ammo, snacks, and med-packs are goners.

Stalcraft equipment follows a pretty standard F2P game sort of model, with each piece of being upgraded from older equipment. Doing so requires gathering various zone based resources. For PVP protection, when you’re killed the resources drop, but other players can’t use them.

Instead, they drop in a backpack, a container that can only be opened by the person who gathered the resources in the first place. The result is that it’s not really possible to progress your gear by PKing, but it is possible to PK for a profit by killing other players. Then ransoming their items back to them.

It’s a very slick piece of design. It forces players to engage with the primary system/loop, while still rewarding player killing, and preventing it from becoming a primary method of progression.

A Noble Quest

Quests, on the other hand, involve the same general “running around trying not to die,” but with a more story directed focus. And for every quest that asks you to kill 10 boars, you’ll get one that’s a bit stranger.

Crawl into a dog kennel, and solve a jumping puzzle.

Solve a mildly frustrating riddle.

Deliver these items.
Into an active volcanic area.

They’re some of the strangest and often incredibly hard things I’ve ever had to do in a video game. Sometimes that’s because they’re janky, and sometimes that’s because… well, you have to cross an entire map of enemy players to get to the place to actually do the damn thing.

The Weird Bit

If you’ve been paying attention, or looking at the screenshots, you might have started to put something together. Or maybe you also play a lot of games.

See, while Stalcraft now is a fully standalone game, that’s not what it started as.

You ready?

Stalcraft is/was a mod/private server for Minecraft, with the majority of the game, setting and world taken from the open world game STALKER, and its sequels.

The end result is that Stalcraft is a sort of weird chimera of design. Why are there so many (awful) jumping puzzles and riddles? Because those are comparatively easy to design and implement in Minecraft. Why do all the characters look the way they do? Same thing. Why are the characters and story so weirdly detailed and thought out? Because the whole thing was almost just ported over from another entire game.

To be clear: at no point did StalCraft team, as far as I’m aware, give a penny to anyone above. They just kind of… built someone else’s game inside their own game, and turned it into a generally fun, if aggravating extraction shooter.

It’s incredibly novel, and I’ve just never seen anyone do something quite like this.

That’s all very nice, but should you actually play it?

I played about 70 hours of Stalcraft before I burned out. Ultimately, this is a F2P game, with F2p monetization. Unless you have a huge amount of time or money to burn, you’re not getting to endgame.

That said, it’s an incredibly unique experience in the F2P genre. It can be tense, funny, and aggravating. I got killed and had my corpse camped, only to run back and die over and over again.

There was also a time I killed someone in an enemy faction sort of out of panic, looked at them, realized I didn’t really care if I killed them, rezed them, and then we just looked at each other and ran off.

I think what makes Stalcraft worth playing is how different, weird and janky it is. It’s not the same as something being good, but compared to so many other games, it’s interesting.

In many ways, the general experience reminds me a lot of Sea of Thieves, though slightly more dangerous. You’re dropped into a playground, full of glass, bits of irradiated metal, and told to go play with the other kids, some of whom will beat you up. And sure, the whole thing is cobbled together: those monkey bars are rusting, and some car somewhere is blasting Russian Christmas carols.

But god, if it isn’t fascinating.

Bloomburrow Sealed Writeup

It’s been a while since I really did any physical Magic tourney events. As I said two years ago:

So in conclusion: I probably wouldn’t go to another physical prerelease. Magic: Arena and Magic as a physical card game are two competing ecosystems instead of a single synergistic one, and they’re both expensive.

Me, 2022

Note: When I say “physical magic” here, I’m mostly talking about the time involved in tournaments, or any longer form/multi-round events. No issues with kitchen-table or friendly commander at an LGS.

Welp, I’m writing this, so I obviously did end up going to another one. And no, no one was covering my entry fee. That said, I was going with friends.

Also, if you enjoy these writeups, you can do me a favor by following me on Twitter.

The one good card I got at this event. Art by Jeff Carpenter, and you can actually get prints of this on his stop!

Most of my general complaints about Magic as a physical thing remain. The last event I went to was Brothers War, and it went 5 hours. This event went just about 6 1/2 hours, going to 5 rounds, though there’s a reason for that. More on that later. But enough of that. Let’s talk about the deck!

And while I don’t want to spoil anything, I will say that while I did fairly poorly, the friend I went with finished second, and I’ll be looking at their deck as well.

The Cards

It is a poor craftsman who blames his tools, and as the poor craftsman that I am, it’s time for some tool blaming.

Here are the rares.

Maha, It's Feathers Night
Wick, the Whorled Mind
Lunar Convocation
Dawn's Truce
Finneas, Ace Archer
Salvation Swan
Thornvault Forager
Clement, the Worrywart

This actually doesn’t immediately look that bad, especially with Maha being a huge bomb that almost always trades 2 for 1 on cards even if it gets hit with a removal spell.

Except I did not get a single piece of Black removal. Adding insult to injury on that account, I did not get any of the changeling artifact creatures, and I only had a single rat. So while black looked promising at first, running it meant that I would have to have my other primary color carry the entire weight of dealing with threats.

And those other colors were not doing great either.

Black - Zero hard removal. 
White - 3 hard removal spells, and 4 damage blast
Green - A single Polliwallop, and a Pawpatch Formation
Blue - 3 Hand Bounce, 1 counterspell
Red - Two 6 Damage Bursts, and 1 4 damage spell.

So, with my truly incredible bomb ruled out by dint of just having the worst supporting set of cards in its color ever, I found myself in a bit of a rough place. The only two cards left to me that really had the potential to be bombs were Salvation Swan, and a single copy of Shrike Force. This combined with most of my good creatures being in Green led to deciding to go Green/White with a plan of grinding the game out and pushing through with pump spells and flyers.

Here’s a link to the list on Aetherhub.

1 Sunshower Druid
1 Brave-Kin Duo
1 Heirloom Epic 
2 Bark-Knuckle Boxer
1 Overprotect
1 Pawpatch Formation
1 Repel Calamity
1 Parting Gust
1 Sonar Strike
1 Intrepid Rabbit
1 Brambleguard Veteran
1 Shrike Force
1 Stickytongue Sentinel
1 Clifftop Lookout
1 Banishing Light
1 Heaped Harvest
1 Treetop Sentries
2 Rust-Shield Rampager
1 Junkblade Bruiser
1 Salvation Swan
1 Thornvault Forager
1 Uncharted Haven
1 Oakhollow Village
7 Forest
8 Plains

So. Not the finest thing. Not a terrible curve, but a real lack of actual big threats. I had a lot of expectations heading into Bloomburrow, and most of them were wrong. But I do think I was generally correct in my assessment that the general power/toughness of a lot of the creatures is much lower (or at least starts that way).

The Games

I did pretty badly, finishing with a 2-2 match record.

Match 1 was a pretty even slog into a Black/Green deck that I ended up going 2-1 on, though game 3 was much, much closer. The turning point came when my opponent dropped Ygra, Eater of All, and I ended up blocking it with everything.

We both completely missed that he could sacrificed his creatures to pump Ygra at instant speed before damage, but the miss went in my favor, and I managed to stabilize out despite having to trade most of my board.

Match 2 was weird. It ended with me winning game 1, and drawing game 2. Game 1 I managed to sweep through very quickly with Shrike Force. Game 2 however took a much more brutal turn, and probably would have been a loss had we not gone to time.

Match 3 was against the friend I came with. He stomped me game 1, and in desperation, I swapped all my white for red in game 2 to try to stem the tide. Tide status? Not stemmed.

Match 4 went poorly on two fronts for me. Game one I mana-flooded, game 2 I got mana-screwed. Regardless, my opponent’s aggressive red/black lizard deck meant that I think they would have had the advantage either way.

So, I did badly.

My friend did not.

The Part Where My Friend Cleaned House

This was my friend’s list.

Please note the fact that my deck was valued at $11. His is $65.
1 Lumra, Bellow of the Woods
1 Warren Warleader
1 Junkblade Bruiser
1 Muerra, Trash Tactician
1 Finneas, Ace Archer
1 Fountainport Bell
1 Heaped Harvest
2 Banishing Light
1 Polliwallop
1 Harnesser of Storms
2 Sunshower Druid
1 Seedglaive Mentor
2 Moonrise Cleric
1 Bark-Knuckle Boxer
1 Galewind Moose
1 Head of the Homestead
1 Overprotect
2 Intrepid Rabbit
6 Forest
8 Plains
1 Rockface Village
1 Mountain
2 Oakhollow Village
1 Pawpatch Formation

So, despite us both running similar colors, and many similar cards, he ended up going 4-0, going to top 2, and going 1-2 in the finals.

I think there’s a lot going on here, but having lost to him, I think it’s also very hard in limited to deal with your opponent dropping bomb after bomb, especially the Warren Warleader. Still, his choice to go into three colors and build a slightly more aggressive deck with a lot more 3 drops clearly paid off.

So. Somewhat different results between us.

Final Thoughts

One event isn’t enough to give opinions on the play-ability of a set, but it is a good chance to reflect on the general feel. I was concerned that Bloomburrow would either feel really fast due to the token creation, or very slow do the large grindy boards, and it ended up being neither.

I do think this is going to be one of friendliest sets for new and newer players that we’ve seen for a while. It has a very broad appeal with it’s woodland Redwall-esque aesthetic, and the mechanics feel pretty simple compared to Thunder Junction.

As the result of all of this, I’m really excited to see what Bloomburrow looks like as draft format, where it’ll be much easier to get a lot of the typal synergies online.

Will I be doing more physical magic?

Well, maybe in another 2 years.

Grindstone

Grindstone offers a view of an alien reality, a world where mobile games are not the wallet-consuming apex predators that they are in ours. That doesn’t mean their evolution was entirely disrupted.

Just as all animals become crabs, all mobile games have at least some things in common. Clean UI. Simple, easy to learn mechanics, that can be stretched like taffy. Bite-sized levels and gameplay that can be picked up, and put down whenever you want.

Grindstone is pretty much a masterclass in all of these.

The basics are simple. You’re dropped onto a grid, and you draw lines through matching colored enemies, then punch the go button to watch our hero Jorj murder them all in a surprisingly bloody spree of cartoon violence.

Of course, if you get a chain of at least 10, you’ll add Grindstone to the board after the combo, and linking through a grindstone allows you to swap the creep color you’re currently chaining. After taking out enough enemies, you can chain yourself out via the exit, and complete the level.

Also, some enemies become active at the end of a turn, meaning they’ll attack you if you end a chain near them.

Oh, and then after a few levels, it adds wood debris, which needs a chain of 3 to break though. Then rocks that need a chain of 5. Then enemies that need a chain of 10. Then….

You get the idea. It’s the standard pattern: a slow incremental addition of mechanics and rules, spread like butter on toast. If anything, I’d like those mechanics to be introduced a bit faster than they actually are, but it’s not really a big issue.

Oh, and there are gravestones. I hate the gravestones.

There’s also a bunch of side elements, with a whole crafting system for getting better gear, and refilling said gear. These mechanics would be aggravating if I had to buy StoneBucks each time, but since this is a real video game (and not a mobile game leech), it’s fine. I do wish it was possible to automatically refill my health, but again, at least I don’t have to spend real money on it.

All of this aside, I’ve been playing it on PC, which is clearly not its native environment. Some of the UI elements are a little wonky on PC, and it’s clear touch controls are the intended experience.

Which makes it kind of a shame that to play it in its intended environment, you’d have to subscribe to Apple Arcade.

After all, the reason that Grindstone doesn’t have to devour your wallet is because it was almost certainly built and paid for as part of Apple’s of attempt to transform our current macro-transaction nightmare into an “All Software Is A Service” hell. So maybe it’s less of a view into an alternate reality, and instead a peek into a different-and-still-bad future for gaming.

But right now, it’s just a good game. And it’s $5 on Steam for the next few days. So if you want a small, simple puzzle game, now would be the time to pick it up. Slay some creeps, and try not to think much about what it says about our Anime PNG present, or our SasS future.