I’ve never really played sports games, but I’ve played a fair amount of golf games. This is because golf is not a sport. It’s an activity, like lawn darts or bowling. Golf in the real world is reserved exclusively for rich assholes, the sort of people who will ban Michael Jordan from their country club because he’s wearing the wrong pants, a real thing that actually happened.
Part of the problem I think is that golf is often a deeply unsatisfying activity. Every time I’ve ever picked up a club, there’s a little voice inside me screaming that it would be far more satisfying to give someone a good smack across the ankles with it then it would to hit some dinky little ball into a hole. This voice only grows louder with each missed putt and as my score careens higher and higher, further and further out of actual contention.
Super Battle Golf is not the first golf game to recognize this primal urge. Golf With Your Friends had collisions on by default. Fore Scores key mechanic was impeding other players with obstacles.
The difference though, is that Super Battle Golf is the first game to recognize that tension, and then design key systems around it.
The core system of Super Battle Golf is a fairly simple golf game. You have a club, you have a ball, and there is a hole. You need to get the ball into the hole to win. There is only a single type of club, and you can adjust the angle of your shot, and control the power by clicking down, and releasing when you’re at the point you want to be at. Standard stuff, the chips in a metaphorical golf nachos. But the toppings are where everything gets interesting.
The first noticeable thing is that after hitting a ball, unlike many golf games, you do not follow the ball, or teleport to it’s resting spot to take another shot. Instead, you must walk there on your own, golf club in hand. Additionally, while there bonus points for finishing under par, the majority of the scoring rewards being the FIRST person to reach the hole.
One way to be the first person to finish is after taking your first swing, to turn and give the next closest golfer a swift thwack across the ankles, knocking them down, and setting up for a second swing that can send them flying back, and ragdolling.
Alternately, if you time your first shot perfectly, you’ll get a boost of speed to start, often giving you the edge to rush forward and be the first to claim one of the games Mario Kart style item boxes. Players can hold up to 3 items, and unused items will be carried over to the next hole. Items generally fall into two categories, traversal or combat, with my personal favorite, the elephant gun sitting neatly in both.
The secret sauce, the thing that really makes Super Battle Golf work though, has to do with the boost system, and a special type of hit called a homing shot. First, the boost system.
When you hit another player in Super Battle Golf be it with a item box weapon, golf club, ball, or running them over in a golf cart, you get a temporary boost of movement speed. This speed is the key to pulling ahead of other players, because while everyone can be reasonably good at the golf part of the game, it’s more important to be the first person to reach your ball as quickly as possible for the next hole.
Critically, if you are losing, choosing to grief or attack other players around and in front of you isn’t kingmaking. Instead, it’s the mechanic by which you gain ground.
The same is true of homing shots. Without going into too much detail, there is a mechanic by which you can hit shots so that they will track a player in front of you like a heat seeking missile. If it connects, it will knock that player down, giving you the aforementioned speed boost, while forcing them to wait out the knockdown.
This is what really differentiates Super Battle Golf from every other lite multiplayer golf game. It rewards and encourages combat, as opposed to just making it possible. And while it’s not the deepest combat ever, there is a fair amount of strategic decision making, politicking, and routing.
If I have any complaints, or reservations, it might be the map pool, and the always online voice chat. There are 27 holes, which doesn’t quite feel like enough. On the flip side, I find the always online voice chat incredibly funny, but that’s quite possibly because I have a deeply broken sense of humor.
Some “highlights” of said voice chat include:
1. The entire lobby grouping up to repeatedly pummel someone screaming a racial slur in a Russian accent.
2. Hearing “get Kirked” moments before being shot by someone with a dueling pistol.
3. A discussion about how shooting up schools is a real “white person” activity.
If you don’t find early XBox Live level (read: fucking cesspool) of interaction and voice chat funny, you will not have a good time online, and should probably stick to playing with your friends, or immediately mute everyone when you join a public lobby.
On the other hand, I find something deeply satisfying in using a rocket launcher on someone calling me a series of both inaccurate and offensive racial slurs.
Your personal millage may vary.
Super Battle Golf is $7. It’s pretty great, but given that public lobbies are cesspools, I highly suggest getting it if you have 4-5 more friends you can play with. The game is best about 5-8 players, and while I wish there were more maps, the ones that do exist justify the price.