Super Mario 35

Just go play Super Mario Bros or Super Mario Maker instead.

If you already own a Switch, and already paid for Nintendo Online, you can download Super Mario 35 and play it. Maybe you’ll like it. Personally, I’m not impressed. If you don’t already have both of those things, it isn’t worth getting them for.

When I first set out to write this article, the opening to it was “Super Mario 35 is Fun,” but I’m no longer sure that’s true. What’s true is that Super Mario Bros is fun, and it turns out that if you modify it, it still remains fun.

But this is like putting truck nuts on a Tesla. For some people knowing that they have a pair of balls on their car gives them the strength to forge onward. I’m not sure why? And for some us, it’s like… Sure. Okay. But I’m not convinced I need those there. Or really want them. I don’t need a pair of rubbery dangly nuts.

Super Mario 35 is a weird thing to review for many reasons, one of which is that the game is only going be around for another 3 months or so. You also can’t actually buy it, you can only get it if you have Nintendo’s online membership service. The best thing I can say about Switch Online is that I like being able to visit other peoples’ Animal Crossing islands and outside of that, it’s just about worthless.

So yeah. It’s a time-limited title that you get for “Free” if you spend $20 to subscribe to an online service that makes dial-up look like Google Fiber, and it’s actually mostly just a Battle Royale strapped to a 35 year old game.

Ed Note: I just realized that this is why it’s called Super Mario 35. That might actually be the cleverest thing about this game.

There really isn’t much else to say about the game honestly. It might be worth downloading if you already bought a Nintendo Online switch membership, but like… Super Mario Bros is 35 years old. It’s older than I am. It’s older than most of my friends. In that time, Nintendo made a bunch more Mario games. They’re still making them. Play those instead. Download a ROMhack, or even just get Super Mario Maker 2.

I can usually find something redeeming in pretty much any game I play, but anything redeeming or interesting about Super Mario 35 exists because of Super Mario Bros, not because of this weird… experiment. It’s “Ice Ice Baby“, something built on top of something else that was really good, but every time I hear it, I’d rather be listening to “Under Pressure“.