Author: MrBlueSky

Weird West

Weird West claims to be an immersive-sim, but the only thing immersive about the game is the story and worldbuilding. Everything else is janky and awful.

When I first started writing this article, I’d played 8 or so hours of Weird West. At this point, having written most of it, and just editing the writeup, I’ve played about 18. Normally I don’t write about games until I finish them, but in its current state and price point, I just can’t recommend Weird West. I would really like to though, because the story and world building is top notch. Now, it’s possible I’ll play a lot more Weird West, and change my mind. Based on various story mechanics, I would estimate I’ve played through 50-60% of the game’s main path story.

And it is a good story! I’m putting this entire paragraph here, because I cannot praise the writing and world building of this game enough to do it justice in this writeup. The Weird West setting feels on par with something like the Fallen London setting, from well… Fallen London, but also Sunless Sea.

Unfortunately, Weird West’s writing is shackled to some truly awful gameplay, gameplay which I am going to tear into in a moment.

Weird West describes itself as an immersive sim, a genre I’m not super familiar with, but includes games such as Prey and System Shock. I decided to go read the Wikipedia page for the genre, and it describes it as a genre “that emphasizes player choice. Its core, defining trait is the use of simulated systems that respond to a variety of player actions which, combined with a comparatively broad array of player abilities, allow the game to support varied and creative solutions to problems, as well as emergent gameplay beyond what has been explicitly designed by the developer.“

I disagree heavily with Weird West calling itself an immersive sim. It does not meet this definition, because ‘Emergent Gameplay’ doesn’t feel present whatso-fucking-ever.

Almost all interactions with NPC’s are pre-scripted, and there’s no ability to for example, recruit anyone into your party. Even when you’re given optional side quests or routes, they show up in the quest tracker the same as everything else. They’re specifically present because the designer put them there.

Today, I woke up and chose violence. Because I can’t choose anything else.

Now it’s possible by emergent gameplay they mean “You can kill everyone and still go through the game!” This isn’t good enough in my book. It’s 2022. Killing a quest-vital NPC, and then finding their diary that contains the information you needed from them isn’t impressive. At best, I’d call it “robust.” You’ve made a game that handle the player being a psychopathic murderer well. I don’t know why I’d want to do that. Even if I wanted to, this brings me to the next point: the combat in Weird West is fucking awful.

Combat in Weird West is real time, and it’s primarily influenced by your abilities and your weapons. There are five weapon types, which from what I can tell are pistol, rifle, melee, shotgun, and one I haven’t encountered yet. There are also a variety of explosives. Your abilities require mana to use. The game doesn’t call it mana and it’s purple, but it’s mana.

Okay, so that’s enough about how combat works from a high level. Let’s talk about why it’s awful. While combat wants to be real time, the actual way the game controls is incredibly clunky on both mouse and keyboard, and controller. On mouse and keyboard, you use WASD to move, so you can only move in 8 directions, and you use your mouse to change camera direction. Except when you actually pull out your weapon to shoot, you can’t rotate the camera anymore, because now you can only control the direction your character is facing. So if you end up in a enclosed or complex space, the controls completely fall apart, and reorienting the camera to see the bear coming to maul you requires you to put your gun down, which you usually don’t want to do, since you’re trying to reload.

And it also just feels like shit. In addition, ability slots aren’t customizable, they’re hard bound to the weapon, so in order to use a base skill, you need to not have any weapons drawn, and holstering a weapon changes the menu the second you start the holster. I think I accidentally used the “slow down time” power at least a dozen times while trying to use the ability on my rifle, because I wanted to readjust the camera angle for a shot, which meant I HAD to holster my rifle.

In addition to this, Weird West has verticality. The game has a auto-aim feature for determining what you are aiming at, and locking on appropriately, except it doesn’t actually work well. There were several situations where it simply refused to let me aim at a sentry overlooking a clearing, and forced me to aim at a horse standing between us, simply because the line drawn between me and the target intersected the horse. To be clear: The horse was not between us on the horizontal plane. It was below us.

Artist Rendition

I ended up having to kill two horses before I was able to shoot sentry. Of course, it didn’t really matter that much, because the AI in Weird West is both janky and dumb as hell. Every enemy has apparently attended the “video game enemy school of guarding” which teaches that the only true way to stand guard is to wait around, and just because Tim walked away, and then you walked over and found him shot in the head, doesn’t mean there’s any reason to stay worried for more than 30 seconds. Now, to be fair, it’s not just the enemies that are stupid and buggy. I had a posse member who would cheerfully walk straight ahead, regardless of what was going on, whenever I entered a map instead of following me around. I’ve also seen other villagers just get stuck in doorways, repeatedly opening and closing the door.

Okay. So we’ve talk about why the game doesn’t feel like an emergent sim, since the only “emergent” portions of the game are related to combat, and the combat fucking sucks, because of the controls. Let’s go back to those controls for a moment, because they really suck. I covered combat earlier, but all the menus use that weird “large reticle to mouse over things” setup that Destiny seems to have popularized, and is somehow awful on both MKB and controller. Don’t make me “Hold down a key” to dismantle something, and tap the key to drop it.

Also, while we’re on the subject, here are some more minor gripes I have with the game. The menu to forge ingots/unforge ingots is shit, and unintuitive. The quest tracker only tracks 5 quests at a time, and doesn’t let you choose which five. Almost all random encounters are unavoidable combat, and the combat starts instantly, with no way to avoid them. The inventory is far too small for the amount of shit we’re expected to carry, and equipped items are still IN the inventory, meaning you can accidentally sell/breakdown equipped items, and have them eat an inventory slot. The game is also often buggy, with corpses spazzing out and launching themselves through walls, which is much less amusing when they have a key that’s the only way to open a jail cell with someone you’re trying to keep alive on the other side. Saves don’t go back far enough.

What does each of the options do? Why is it that disassembling ore makes you lose nuggets? Why is the UI set up so you can misclick immediately after clicking an option, and effectively just destroy resources?

So what does Weird West do well? Well, the story and writing are top notch, and are the only reason I’m still playing the game. While I suspect that I’m likely to be let down by the big reveal at the end, the smaller stories and individual side stories do feel meaningful, and I like the mechanics that allow characters you’ve saved (or otherwise helped) to show up to help you out.

The highest praise that I can give the writers is that I’m interested enough in it that I’m still planning to keep playing the damn game despite everything I’ve said above. After all, I already spent my $40, I plan to get what I can out of it.

I think a perfect summary of Weird West can be encapsulated in the following story. There are some very minor spoilers here, so if what you’ve read so far has convinced you that you want to play the game and go in cold, now would be a good time to stop.

The story of the first character you play as revolves around finding your kidnapped husband, ideally before he gets eaten by a flesh eating shapeshifter called a Siren, who hired said kidnappers.

At one point on this journey, the person I needed to shake down for information was a wealthy tobacco merchant/farmer, with a luxurious estate. After having the guards let me onto the estate, I talked with the merchant, and agreed to get him the deed to a farm whose owner wouldn’t sell. Having zero intention of getting and handing over the deed, I instead used my new found access to his property to case the joint, with the intention of doing a robbery later.

While walking around, one of the hired guns patrolling the facility asked me to deliver a letter for him. A love letter in fact, asking this other gunman to quit their jobs here, and run away together. I was more then happy to oblige, mostly out of the hope that if they did do this, there would be two less experienced marksmen present when I would be trying to break in several days later.

However, the second gunman couldn’t read, and so he asked me to meet him at a saloon in a town nearby to discuss it.

You see, it turns out that the nearby patrons are a wee bit homophobic, and by wee bit, I mean that the bar was about to devolve into a gunfight. (In retrospect, I don’t actually know how they knew the illiterate gunslinger was gay, it was never mentioned in any sense.)

I was then presented with 3 options on a menu.
1. Buy the homophobes a round to defuse the situation.
2. Challenge them to a fistfight.
3. Guns blazing.

As I didn’t have money to get everyone piss drunk, I instead opted for a fistfight, hoping that I would be able to just crack a few heads, and make an exit without committing a murder. Immediately after I did this, the game went into the aforementioned combat, and I realized two things.
1. I didn’t know how to actually equip fists.
2. Just because I intended to follow the spirit of fist a cuffs and knock these knuckleheads about didn’t mean that my posse did.

My companions instead pulled an Always Sunny, just started blasting, and several seconds later, the bar had turned into a gun fight.

Reload Save.

This time, instead of proceeding to the local Saloon, I went to the nearby General Store, pawned a bunch of shit, and then entered the Saloon. I was able to buy the assholes off to not start shit, and actually talk to the dude I was supposed to deliver this letter to. Except instead of asking me about the letter, he went into a dialogue tree as if he was still guarding the mansion, asking if I had the deed to be delivered.

Reload Save.

Sell shit. Buy liquor. Talk to gunman. This time, his dialogue options were related to the amorous letter, which I finally delivered, and read to him, as he wasn’t able to read. He was actually happy about the prospect, and decided to wait for his admirer/lover. They got a happy ending, and I had two less guards to worry on my breaking and entering.

I think this snippet does a good job of illustrating the experience of Weird West. It has incredibly strong writing and decently subtle worldbuilding, but its combat is a unfun jank fest, and it’s often buggy. The game claims to be an immersive sim, but once things escalate, there’s often no option other than violence to resolve things. That’s not a ” immersive sim,” that’s just a combat system with physics involved.

I’m going to play more Weird West. I find the story compelling, and I am curious about how it resolves. But that’s in spite of the game’s janky combat and bugs. Honestly, it’s fairly likely that at some point something will break badly enough, and I’ll just quit playing, and read the ending off a wiki somewhere. As such, I don’t currently recommend it.

If you still wanna play it, it’s $40 on all platforms. Console has it on PlayStation 4, and Xbox. For PC, it’s on Steam, Epic, and it looks like it will be on Gamepass in a month or two. For my money, I’d wait for that.

Satisfactory

I like Satisfactory. There are a lot of other things I could say about it, but I spent days playing shapez.io, and Satisfactory is Shapez.io in 3D. That is to say, it’s a game about automation and factory construction, and the optimization of those systems.

The story of Satisfactory is that you are [EMPLOYEE#7190] for some gigantic space megacorporation called Ficsit, pronounced Fix-It, and you’ve been dumped onto some lush untouched wilderness to turn it into a giant factory. The reality is that it doesn’t matter that there’s a story, because there might as well not be one.

In any case, after being dropped down onto a planet, there’s an opening segment that amounts to a tutorial. After being introduced to the ability to construct buildings and craft parts, the player is free to do things at their own pace. There’s no real time pressure to get anything done. There is some hostile enemy wildlife, but even those are pretty non-threatening. Let’s talk about those for a minute, because Satisfactory is a game about building things, specifically giant factories, and everything that doesn’t contribute to that feels fairly vestigial and pointless.

Sure, there’s some hostile wildlife, and trees, and rocks, and whatnot, but they only matter to the extent that they get in the way of building. The AI for this wildlife is laughably stupid. The primary enemy, a sort of dog/armadillo thing, has constantly gotten stuck on loops trying to charge me, and then running in endless circles. It’s ineffectual enough to be forgettable, and annoying on the few instances when they actually do manage to connect a hit. The weird murder bumblebees are frustrating, but mostly pointless. Combat is just not very good.

Exploration is a somewhat similar boat. You can select from 4 different worlds to spawn into when you start the game, but they’re all fixed, not random. There are a few things that you can pick up as you venture around the world, and some crashed ships to find, but even those crashed ships are only interesting because they can give you access to hard drives, which give you research. Research lets you pick between various sidegrades/unlockable recipes.

Research is the game’s primary internal motivation. Most additional buildings, structures and tools are unlocked by research. The game itself consists of tiers, and completing the previous tier’s mission unlocks the next two tiers or so, and those tier’s associated missions. All of these missions involve feeding resources into something, usually your space elevator or remote dispatch drone.

Research serves a sort of tutorial gate, forcing the player to get familiar with what they currently have unlocked before they get access to more complex buildings. Let’s look at how the game handles electricity as an example.

Almost every building in the game requires electricity to actually do anything, from auto-miners to assemblers, to constructors. At the start of the game, after building the HUB, it comes equipped with two biomass burners. These can be powered by stuffing them full of leaves, and wiring them up to whatever needs power. Additional power requires building more biomass burners, which will also need to be kept supplied.

When you get far enough along the tech tree though, coal becomes available. Coal-powered generators can be set up to have coal routed directly into them with conveyors, so manual refills are no longer necessary, but in addition to coal, they also need water. This means pipes, and potentially, pumps or a pump system to make sure that water is getting where it needs to be fast enough.

Getting the most out of your power setup with coal can be a bit more involved than biomass burners. It requires at least 3 building types, a miner to dig up the coal, a coal burner, and a pump to supply the water. You might find after building your first set of generators that you need more power, and end up setting up a few more, only to realize that you’ve underestimated the amount of coal to keep things stable. Or maybe you redesign things, and forget to connect your pumps to the rest of the grid, causing a network wide outage, and forcing you to restart the coal plants semi-manually with an attached biomass burner. Maybe you’re burning too little coal, so you set up more burners, only to realize you’re now behind on water.

At its heart, Satisfactory is a game about optimizing systems. Optimize your inputs and outputs, remove bottlenecks, and try to make sure you have enough power throughout it all. While the exploration and combat feels rather week, the building gameplay is incredibly enjoyable. The game is still technically in Early Access, with a fair amount of “WIP” content, but nothing to make me hate it. You can find a link to the game’s site here, and I heavily encourage you to check it out.

P.S. When I started Gametrodon, I did so with the intention of not wanting the site to turn into the game equivalent of those baking websites that open with 3 paragraphs about how this recipe was the last surviving thing they have from their great grandmother, who got it from a mysterious shop next door that disappeared the day after they purchased it. But Satisfactory really makes me want to do one of those writeups, because it has a lot of things you could write about related to the game that aren’t really related to the game.

You could cover the fact that the game had timed Epic Store exclusivity when it first came out about 5 years, still requires some sort of weird ghostly cross-play solution to play online, and that switching that behavior requires you to contact customer support for some reason. You could point out how it’s kind of weird for a game to still be in “Early Access” after 5 years of development and patches, and the weird things that exist in the game because of that, such as the creepy fucking alien artifacts that will speak to you, and make scary noises, but have been a work in progress for over 3 years. Or maybe you could cover the sort of weird tone the game takes around construction and its theming. “Here’s a perfectly vibrant planet, full of unfucked nature, get down there in the space suit you’re renting from us [VALUED EMPLOYEE#3719] and fuck it up.” I’m not sure that the lyrics “Paved Paradise, Put up a Parking Spot” was supposed to be a How To guide. It’s vaguely uncomfortable, much like any worker placement board game where you realize that the “workers” you’re placing, based on the game’s setting and historical context, would have all been enslaved Africans. Not uncomfortable enough to make you stop playing immediately, but it does make you pause the next time you’re about to pull it out at family game night.

In short, there’s a lot of interesting hot takes you could make about Satisfactory. Fortunately the preceding paragraph of extended one-liners has gotten my desire to be Yahtzee Crosshaw off my chest. I don’t need fame and fortune from writing snarky hot takes about video games.

Yu-Gi-Oh: Master Duel

So, for folks who’ve played Yu-Gi-Oh before, and are wondering if they should play Master Duel, here’s my opinion in brief: Yu-Gi-Oh Master Duel can be fun, but only to the extent that you play against other people with decks that function at a similar power level. I can’t speak to higher level decks, because I never made one. I spent a non-zero amount of time being thrashed by players who did make high level decks.

A big critical note: Master Duel is ALMOST ENTIRELY PvP. There are some small PvE sections of the game, but they effectively function as tutorials.

As far as being a digital implementation of the physical game, it seems to do a solid job. I have some problems with how it handles certain mechanics, and there’s also very little flare compared to something like Hearthstone, or Legends of Runeterra. When an opponent searches for a card from their deck and adds it to their hand, the game only shows you the card for a brief moment, instead of keeping it revealed. I hate this, as the game has something like 5000+ cards, and I have no idea what a large number of them do.

Finally, its in-game monetization is fucking awful. I don’t give a shit about some “f2p btw top ranked” motherfucker. The only difference between this game and a crackhead with a knife coming at you in an alley is that the second one is being more transparent in their desire to obtain everything in your wallet.

I’d write more about this, but I already did. Master Duel is #4 on my Least Favorite Game Business Models list.

I’m going to be honest. I don’t have much more to say on Yu-Gi-Oh that provides value in the form of a review. Modern Yu-Gi-Oh is an incredibly alien beast to me. Opening turns can go through what feels like half a player’s deck, only to have any advantage gained be destroyed by one or two cards. First turn kills from the second player are common. The game’s balance seems to rely on handtraps, cards that you discard from your hand to negate your opponent’s effects, and quickly recognizing your opponent’s deck archetype. Knowing their combos and how to interrupt them is just a critical skill as knowing how to play your own deck.

I played 40 hours of Master Duel, and this review is the best I can offer. I know that I enjoyed playing against my friends who also installed it. I know I wouldn’t recommend it to anyone as a “single player” game, which it effectively is in many ways. I don’t like it as much as Duel Links, which had a lot of PvE content. I enjoy some forms of competition in card games, but I don’t enjoy grinding ladder, and that’s primarily what Master Duel seemed to offer.

But hey, it was free*. If you still want to play it, you can grab it here.

*Free to get your ass repeatedly handed to you by Eldlich the Golden Lord, seriously, fuck that card, and that deck.

Pokemon Legends: Arceus

I like Pokémon Legends: Arceus. Does the game have so many technical problems that I’m going to devote at least a paragraph to them below? Yes. But is it also the first Pokémon game that we’ve gotten in 25 years that is actually mechanically different than the other games in the series? Yes. Yes it is.

The rest of this article is going to assume that you’ve played a Pokémon game at some point. If you haven’t, reading this post first will make the rest of this review make more sense.

As mentioned above, Arceus is significantly different than previous Pokémon games. In brief: the game now takes place in a semi-open world. Story progression is based around a combination of catching lots of Pokémon, and mission completion, and there are no gym battles or equivalents. While battling and catching Pokémon both remain, the battle system has been significantly trimmed down, with held items and abilities being removed, and most status effects/stat buffs have also been changed to be simpler. The game does offer the ability to use moves in different styles, but this mostly boils down to “Do more damage, but take longer to act again, or do less damage, but act again quicker.”

You can fight multiple enemy Pokemon at once.

As the game now takes place in an open world, there are no more random battles. Instead, Pokémon just sort of go about the world, doing as they please, with most having a set spawn location. As such, catching Pokémon has changed, with many not even requiring you to battle them. Instead, you just need to get close enough to throw a Pokeball at them and hit them. Pokémon also don’t share the same set of behaviors either. Some will happily watch as you walk closer and closer prior to beaning them in the head with a well placed shot, some will turn tail and run, and some will see you and just start swinging/blasting bubbles/trying to poison you—you get the idea. For Pokémon in this last group, once they notice you and engage in combat, you’ll have to fight them with your own Pokémon if you actually want to catch them. The alternate option is to truffle shuffle your way through the waist high grass and wait for them to look away so you can lob a ball at the back of their head. The game actually encourages this, because back hits have an increased catch rate.

You will never have enough Apricorns, and when you think you do, you’ll be wrong.

Also, because this an open world game, there’s a crafting system. You can craft Pokeballs, revives, and various items with the rocks and berries you find lying around. It’s actually generally not as tedious as it might sound, primarily because the same few mats are used for a bunch of different things, and there also aren’t a ridiculous number of them you have to gather. cougheldenringcough

The open world itself is split up into 6 or so areas, and each area is self contained. For example, you can’t go from the ruin swamp zone to the ice zone without actually going back to town, and then going to the other area on the map. You likely won’t be able to explore every part of a map when you first unlock it, as portions will be locked behind ride Pokémon, the game’s version of HMs. These are various Pokémon that you’ll make friends with and will give you the ability to swim across water, fly across the sky, and scale rock cliffs. Yes, I know it seems like flying would make climbing redundant but it doesn’t really work like that in practice.

Realistically, these open world zones are fine. I’m gonna be honest, you could probably fill a grey box with lots of Pokémon and I would enjoy it. Pokémon Go put Pokémon on top of google maps, and I liked it. With that said, this isn’t Elden Ring or Breath of the Wild, there are no hidden secrets and crevices to find, and each zone itself is pretty small. They’re habitats for the Pokémon that live in them, and not much else unfortunately.

So what do I like? One thing is that Pokémon are actually rendered to scale in this game. This is a small thing, but it really does build the feeling of them being actual animals in the world instead of the “Wailord is the same size as Skitty” that we’ve had from previous games. It also gets used in two of the game’s mechanical systems, where catching Pokemon of different sizes can be a goal for various surveying missions and to distinguish Alpha Pokemon, which I’m just realizing we haven’t covered yet.

I just realized Dusknoir has red eyes by default, making this a terrible example of what this sorta thing looks like…

While you’re journeying around you might find a Pokémon that seems much bigger than you’d think it should be, with glowing red eyes. These are Alpha Pokémon, and they’re great. Outside of the immense bulk, there are few other critical differences. They tend to be much higher leveled then anything in the surrounding area, sometimes have special attacks, and have zero chill. They can’t be captured except by battling them, and until your Pokémon are in the 60-70 level range, they can and will thrash you into the ground.

I really like this because in most Pokémon games, catching Pokémon is pretty much a zero risk process, and you’ll never actually be able to go back to an area and be challenged. Alphas are a nice change of pace, and one of my most memorable moments in the game was wiping my team multiple times into an Alpha Tangrowth, then reviving them while it tried to put me six feet under. Alphas also tend to be Pokémon that could only have been obtained via evolution in previous games, so its just cool to actually fight and catch them in their already evolved forms.

Yes, that’s a wild Empoleon. It fainted from recoil damage. There was some salt.

Now that we’ve covered the actual game and mechanics, let’s talk about the game’s massive technical failings.

First, a brief statement. Creating games is a complex process with multiple disciplines and processes involved. That said , I consider most of the things in the paragraphs below to be effectively statements of fact. Maybe mimicking Super Mario 64’s performance and art style is a design choice, but I don’t give a shit. The game should not look and have performance issues this bad.

Most of the environments in the game look like garbage, and they feel incredibly static and stale outside of the Pokémon inhabiting them.
The Pokémon/NPC’s look good, but if you get more than 4 NPC’s on the screen even during a cutscene, the framerate dips. Because of this, there are very few situations where you can have large numbers of different wild Pokémon on screen, and the end result is that the game’s world can feel underpopulated.
The game has an amount of pop-in/fade in that’s comical on everything, and when you’re flying around looking for a specific plant, or a Pokémon that might be the size of that plant, this actively screws with your ability to find it. Of everything on this list, this one is biggest hindrance to actively playing the game, and pisses me off the most.

See that little hill in the distance, with nothing on it, and nothing anywhere around it?
It’s the one we’re hovering over right here.

In addition to all of this, the game has one of the most screwed up systems for animation level of detail that I’ve seen. It’s most visible on any of the flying Pokemon such as Gyrados, Togetic or Crobat, but you can actively see the point at which they get far enough away from you for the game to start dropping frames from their animation cycle.

Anyway, that’s Pokémon Legends: Arceus. If you’re someone like me who’s always wanted a Pokémon game where you run around massive open environments trying to catch Pokémon, and see them at actual scale, this game is pretty much exactly what you’ve been waiting for. You’ll be able to ignore the game’s flaws and have a lot of fun.

If you’re someone who played the games primarily for the battle system, or for engaging with the secondary mechanics like breeding for perfect IV’s and competitive move sets, those systems have been either stripped out or massively simplified, and I suspect you won’t have as much fun. I don’t personally think that the removal of things like abilities and held items is made up for by the games strong/agile move styles.

And perhaps you’re neither. Perhaps you’re not a Pokémon fan. If that’s the case, I would say that your enjoyment is going to depend heavily on what you want out of the game. You want a game with a mediocre open world, but a bunch of really cool monsters to catch? This could be for you!

If you want a game with an open world that tells a subtle story via its environment and mechanics, with a focus on difficult combat and challenging gameplay? Well, you probably want Elden Ring instead.

You want a large underwater eel? That’s a moray.

Pokémon Legends: Arceus is $60 for Nintendo Switch, and only Switch, because the day we get a mainline Pokémon game on a non-Nintendo console is the day we look out the window and see a flock of pigs sailing unimpeded across the clouds.

So you’ve never played a Pokémon game and you want to know what all the fuss is about.

One of the challenges in writing about games is that it’s often easiest to compare them to other games. The problem is that this is useless to readers that don’t have similar lived experience to you, and so you probably end up subjecting a non-zero portion of readers to this:

Never Seen Star Wars
Credit: Randall Monroe of XKCD, a webcomic that’s much funnier than my blog. Used under Attribution-NonCommercial 2.5 Generic license. I think I’m doing this right, please don’t sue me Randall.

In this situation there are two options: Option 1, which is much easier, is to just sort of roll with it and everyone who doesn’t like and experience the things you like can suck it. Option 2 is try to add to your writing some sort of intro or explanation, or at least an easy gateway to the subject at hand.

This writeup exists because I realized I was doing that exact thing in my Pokémon Legends: Arceus review earlier. Instead of adding several extraneous paragraphs to that review, we have this post.

Anyway, Pokémon games! I’m a big believer that the best way to understand a game is to play it, so if you’ve never played a Pokemon game before, and you’re not sure where to start, here’re my suggestions on how to enjoy the series.

Go buy a Nintendo DS or 3DS, and a copy of HeartGold or SoulSilver, and play through that. The console will cost you between $90-120 bucks, and the game will cost you between $100 and $1200 dollars.

Gametrodon Alternate Option: If you want to avoid spending more on the game than the console, I personally recommend you pick up Alpha Sapphire or Omega Ruby instead, but you will need a 3DS for those ones.

As video game piracy is a very serious crime, I under no circumstances advise you to download a pirated ROM of the game, and load into something like DeSmuME or another emulator of your choice. Emulation is bad, bad, bad, and it’s your fault for wanting to play a 13 year old game whose price has skyrocketed to ridiculous levels because there’s no digital download or alternate purchase options available, you filthy consumer you.

In any case theoretical fictitious person, now that you’ve finished that playthrough, congratulations! You’ve played what is generally considered the best mainline game in the series. Every meaningful and primary mechanic that has been introduced over 25 years is present in that game. Cool!

Perhaps you don’t want to do that. Perhaps you have other things to do with your time or money. Perhaps you think trying to figure out which torrent is the game, and which one is just a 30 gig WEBM of muppets fucking while Ram Ranch blares out of your speakers is not a fun time. In that case, here’s a very brief summary of the Pokémon series.

A Very Brief Summary of the Pokémon Series

Pokémon is a 25 year old game series. In it, the player takes on the role of a child who wants to become a Pokémon trainer. Pokémon are, for lack of a better way of putting it, magic animals that can be caught in small spherical capsules called Pokeballs. The player is generally given a single starting Pokémon, but must catch all future Pokémon by battling and catching them.

Pokémon have several traits for battling, invluding their species, typing, stats, and moves. Species is the type Pokémon, i.e. Pikachu or Squirtle. Typing is an elemental affinity that gets used as part of damage calculation, both when attacking, or being attacked, like Electric or Water. Stats are also used as both part of damage calculation, and determine action order in combat. Moves are actions a Pokémon can take in combat. A Pokémon can know up to 4 moves at any point in time. Move effects can vary heavily, from simply dealing damage, to inflicting status effects, to temporarily changing stats or other features. There are a variety of other mechanical systems that can differentiate two Pokémon of the same species that might at first glance appear to be identical. They won’t be covered here.

The player can also battle other trainers’ teams of Pokémon. The battle system is one of the games’ two main systems. While it has received a variety of tweaks throughout the years that have changed the strategies and tactics available, the general base has remained the same. The player can bring up to six Pokémon into a battle, and opposing NPC’s or human players can do the same. Battles are turn based, and each round each player chooses an attack from a menu. There are several factors that can play into which attack gets executed first, but the primary one is whichever Pokémon has a higher speed stat. When an attack hits and would do damage, the amount of damage is modified by several factors including the type of the attacking Pokémon, the type of the move, and the type of defending Pokémon.

For example: fire does extra damage to grass, grass does extra damage to water, water does extra damage to fire. There are also secondary mechanics that can modify/nullify move damage, such as Pokémon abilities. When a Pokémon runs out of HP, it can no longer fight. The player’s Pokémon gain experience points for knocking out opposing Pokémon, both in trainer battles, and wild battles, and level up when they gain a certain threshold of experience points. Whichever trainer runs out of Pokémon that can still fight first is the loser. When the player loses a fight, they lose a small amount of money, and are then returned to the last Pokémon center they visited, with no other penalty.

While exploring the world, the player will end up in random encounters and can attempt to capture wild Pokémon. Doing so requires using a consumable item called a Pokeball, or one of its variants. Different variants have different success rates, but generally speaking, lowering a wild Pokémon’s HP increases the chance of the attempt being successful, and inflicting it with various status conditions can also increase the chance of success. While the player can catch a massive number of Pokémon, only 6 can be carried with them at any point.

In terms of story and game progression, the player is given a hard goal, and a soft goal. The hard goal is generally to complete a series of battles with challenging trainers, almost always called gym leaders, and the soft goal is to catch at least one of each species of Pokémon in the game. The hard goal is what dictates actual progression between areas, with the player being unable to progress past a given point without defeating a specific enemy trainer. The form of these blockcades can be both organic, i.e. defeating that trainer gives the ability to cut down a small tree, and the player’s path forward is blocked by a tree, or inorganic, such as the NPC simply refusing to let the player past until they have been defeated.

The game worlds tend to be made up of towns populated by shops, small points of interests, and the gyms mentioned above, and are separated by various paths and small dungeons. Almost all towns have a Pokémon Center, where the player can restore their Pokémon to full health, and also change out the Pokémon they’ve caught with the ones currently on their team. Almost all games in the series are fairly linear in requiring the player to move through towns and challenges in a specific order. That said, almost every area is able to be revisited later once the player gains the ability to travel quickly to or between towns via flying Pokémon at some point in the game.

After collecting all the badges from the gym leaders, the games then generally have a final challenge in the form of a harder dungeon, followed by an area called the Pokémon League—several more difficult trainers in a row. Usually once the player enters this zone, they cannot back out until they either defeat all the trainers, or lose.

After this goal is completed, the player is often given free reign to explore the map at their leisure. This portion of the game tends to be referred to as the post-game, and what it contains can vary quite heavily between individual entries in the series. Some games contain bonus continents, while others simply add a few additional dungeons, with most falling somewhere in between.

Games tend to be released in pairs, with each given pair offering basically the same story and gameplay experience, but with some minor differences as to which Pokémon are available to be caught. Many games have some form of connectivity with other games, allowing Pokémon caught in older games to be transferred to newer ones, but usually only after the player completes the post-game.

And this concludes a brief summary of the mechanics of Pokémon games. The games have plenty of other features, some of which are common to many of the games, and others that only appear in one or two. But the core elements between the games—exploring, battling, training, and catching—are present in all of them. Anyway, I’m going to finish writing the actual review of the new game now.